Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
