I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
