If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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