Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
