just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
