i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
