He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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