beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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