just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
