We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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