I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
