We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
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