Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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