Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
