remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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