Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
