I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this will be a night to untag.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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