i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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