So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
