your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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