He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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