How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
