Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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