The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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