Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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