i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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