dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just tell him i said nine months
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
