Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
