then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
