I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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