They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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