If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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