We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
