dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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