like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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