She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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