Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
