We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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