my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
