I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
