Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
