Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
