They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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