did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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