dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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