Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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