Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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