The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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