They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
