i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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