I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
