I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
