we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
