You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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