i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
