your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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