He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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