Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
