I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
