my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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