I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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