I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
