Already got asked if we're dating
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
