flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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