She's JV to your varsity
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
