I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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