Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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