I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
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Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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