I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
