in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
