Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
