When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
