Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
