ya dads aren't the best wingmen
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
