so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
