i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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