If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh god it's open bar.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize