I faked an abortion last night.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize