i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
