my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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