Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
