Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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