It's like God shit irony all over that family
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
