he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
