who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dick very happy bro
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
