He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
