I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
don't judge my taste in strippers
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
