South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
