Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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